nuffnang

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Goodbye friend

 An old miri friend of mine is going back for Chinese New Year and he’ll only be coming back after I finish my course. This friend of mine is kinda special in his ways (smirk). But I am close to him because he’s just simple and game for whatever I want to do. We think alike. I dun like to judge people. So other people might judge him in some ways, but I think he’s just fine. We think kinda alike, and play the same game now.

Initially he was just into anime and random things online.  I played League of Legends sometimes and he would watch. One day I asked him to play and try it out. I said I’d make the account for him but he did it himself. Turns out he really liked the game. Last time we were all dota idiots. Now we’re LoL idiots.
  After introducing the game to him, he became even more addicted to it than me. He would read the forums and find anything relates to LoL. A lot of conversations with him was just about the game. Addicted we were.
  What more to make the game more fun, we skyped while LoLing. I tell you, play a game with a friend and you bond. But more interaction with one while playing and that’s a strong bond. This sounds gay but we’d even just leave skype on while we’d do our own stuff. Then suddenly: “dude lets go another round” that was fun.
  Now he can’t really do it because he’s back in hometown where streamyx becomes screamyx, in other words, its suburban internet. So even if we do, the quality becomes real crap. Even then, he will not be here in KL to be my friend when I want some easy company. I will miss his presence here and how easy it was to open up to someone. So now either much initiation is needed to be better friends with others, or go on a loner road. The latter is easier but socially unhealthy
  How interesting relationships and bonds are. Some people just bond instantly with others while finding it especially difficult to be close with others. This tuning fork that everyone reverberates at just works out to be like that. Some people are blessed with more frequencies, while others attain it by training. 
  Out of this one good friendship, I learn that to make a relationship work, it needs to be pushed, unafraid and open. Some friendships are easier, while others take a lot of effort and maybe disappointments and boredom. A common ground between 2 people really bring them together. 

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Fasting

My church Eaglepoint was having this prayer and fast for a week so that we could get back in line with God and start the new year right. as everyone was going to fast about something., i too wanted to fast and pray for a year aligned with God. first i was going to pray to get more spiritual as i really did not feel like praying or reading the bible at all for the past few months. plus i thought that  a little more direction and quiet time with God would do my soul some good. for fasting, there are many types: full fast, partial fast, daniel fast, fast from certain foods or things or emotions and etc. i decided to fast from 2 things that really occupied my mind, that were food and computer games(LoL and starcraft2)

   fasting from food is really hard. you feel hungry in the morning when you wake up, throughout the morning, past lunch, hungrier after lunch, rumble rumble, still hungry through the evening and at last its time to eat at 6pm. !!!! oh yeah. i end up eating a tonne of food. and when i'm done, i feel so full and bloated. fasting throughout the day leaves you realy tired, even more so when your body is digesting the food.My church Eaglepoint was having this prayer and fast for a week so that we could get back in line with God and start the new year right. as everyone was going to fast about something., i too wanted to fast and pray for a year aligned with God. first i was going to pray to get more spiritual as i really did not feel like praying or reading the bible at all for the past few months. plus i thought that  a little more direction and quiet time with God would do my soul some good. for fasting, there are many types: full fast, partial fast, daniel fast, fast from certain foods or things or emotions and etc. i decided to fast from 2 things that really occupied my mind, that were food and computer games(LoL and starcraft2) 

   fasting from food is really hard. you feel hungry in the morning when you wake up, throughout the morning, past lunch, hungrier after lunch, rumble rumble, still hungry through the evening and at last its time to eat at 6pm. !!!! oh yeah. i end up eating a tonne of food. and when i'm done, i feel so full and bloated. Fasting throughout the day leaves you really tired, even more so when your body is digesting the food. The body starts shutting off, feeling sleepy. . . .
  but that is what the flesh feels like. I had my friend nelson to keep me accountable of me during my fast and prayer, to give me some advice and company during this week. We agreed on this fast and prayer together and we would see it through.  
  On the first day, I was hungry. I was advised to seek God in this time, instead of concentrating on what my body felt. So I followed his advice and kept thinking of my situation with God. One of my reasons for fasting was that I get good grades in my Bmed science program. Hence at those times, I focused on my research work or rather my thesis which I really have not gotten to writing. This attitude really becomes productive with a sweet taste in your mouth of satisfaction. I cannot boast that it was all that productive, but everyone needs their first steps to slowly progress to running. In other words, I did quite little but at least I start getting momentum to use my time effectively for writing my thesis. So God has answered my prayer in that aspect.
 
   In the morning, I would try to consistently do my devotion. I needed to read what our Lord says so that I can get closer to him. So brings me back to the churches original purpose for the fasting, to get aligned with God once again.  Through the devotions, I learnt lessons to be humble or drop my pride, to acknowledge that everything I have I from God (lessons from Job); and that if I can accept good things from God, I should also acknowledge that I can get bad things from God.
Many lessons of life from proverbs 21, such as the hardworking and the lazy, the proud and the humble, the wife that we marry, the words that we use, the things that the Lord looks in a man’s heart, the righteous and the wicked, are what can be garnered from these words of wisdom.

  One more lesson that I learnt though praying is that I should be totally honest with God. Even though I doubt and question him and his words sometimes, these should be raised up so that we are actually more aware of ourselves and our spiritual state. But as long as I know that God is in control and he is mighty along with my own resolve to stay with him, I know that even all this doubt and questioning will not waver me but provide me more wisdom in this walk with God.

 As I went further into the fast and prayer, fasting becomes easier as the body gets used to it. But even better than that, the mind is cleared and the body feels like its getting purged or purified. In all aspects, the desires of the flesh become smaller. Indeed in the body, there are 2 sides, that is the spirit and body. Whichever we feed becomes stronger and the other weaker.

  Well now that the fast and prayer has passed, it’s quite a relief to eat again. But be warned that once we eat again, the stomach needs to adjust again. Every post meal is followed with a bloated feeling, and drowsiness. Well on the other hand, I am aligned better in my spiritual walk and am doing my devotions.  J

Friday, January 14, 2011

thanking God

todays devotion is summed up as: we should love God and say that life is good because he keeps the earth in a sustainable and beautiful homeostatic environment.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

note of thanks

 Pseudo!!! thank you :)

short coming

today i just realised that i have this shortcoming of being rather negative about events. allow me to explain. an event is going on, and i really think twice about joining it. my peers seem to be all for the event but i hesitate to join.  i cant imagine going through the whole of my life facing opportunities but turning them down.

  if you realise people get to places in their lives because they take whatever opportunities that may come their way.  they take positions and places. as for me, i think i'm stuck in places because i turn down these things. why do i turn them down,. . .maybe i just feel negative about a lot of things. i have my doubts. i have to filter out whether its something i like or if its bearable. or maybe they are just capable of doing certain things. while i aint prepared or naturally gifted in that area.

 stuck. ..